When parents do the darndest things
by OrangeRabbit
Summary: Mr. and Mrs. Granger decide to get to know the wizarding world a little bit more. They hire a 'Muggle Consultant', finding themselves drawn into things a little more than they expected.
1. Somethings People Should Never See

Hullo again. I am back in...action. I've been away so long that I've actually forgotten what my last fanfic was. Oh dear. I've just read so many fantastically miraculous fanfics that I couldn't stay away. My muse jumped up and started doing flips and flops, he accidently smacked me in the head with a flying foot. And then..it hit me. The idea for the start of my story. 

Please Note: I do not own the HP books, nor any of the characters except those I might choose to add. This is a humor fic, which means I may write things that make no sense, do not go along with the original plot (unless J.K decides Hermione and Snape should be together..among other things.)...And my muse is a jester.

Also- I've read so many fics, some of the things I use might be from them. If you find this happening I'm sorry.

**This-** vnvnvnvnvnvnvnvn-**means the next scene, or a skip in the story. For some reason my computer won't let me do anything else. Rawr. It sucks big. **

**Summary:**

**Mr. and Mrs. Granger decide to get to know the wizarding world a little bit more. They hire a 'Muggle Consultant', finding themselves drawn into things a little more than they expected. **

**Let's pretend nothing having to do with Voldemort (he's hibernating..perhaps) happens in year six. Just for a few seconds. Now imagine...**

_Start story:_

Mr. Granger frowned over the daily newspaper. "How do they _do _it?" He puzzled over the moving picture. An older woman was smiling happily and waving at him, a bored looking cow stood next to her. The headline read 'HUMBLE WITCH, FINDS NEW CURE FOR COWS'.

His daughter, a witch in that world- leaned over, glancing nonchalantly at the paper. She smiled, a shy twinkle in her eye. "Magic."

He grumbled. Turning back to his coffee and scone. He hadn't understood when she was eleven, he still didn't at age fifteen. He tried to let her explain things, but after insisting for a logical or mathematical or scientific answer she decided to start shrugging her shoulders and say the word 'Magic.'.

Magic.

He sighed. Sometimes it felt like a dream. But it wasn't was it? He was really the father of a Witch. He glanced fondly over the rims of his glasses at the crown of his daughter's head. He loved her...he really did.

_I'm too old for this._

He sighed. He would have to do something about this..gap. It had grown between him and his daughter over the years. Things she would say, an accidental slip, would make no sense to him. Sometimes she tried to explain, other's she just ignored.

Was she pulling away from him?

He wouldn't let her pull away anymore. He knew of men who never spoke to their children anymore, it would not happen to him.

It would not.

His eyes landed on an add, placed at the corner of the page.

There was hope.

**vnvnvnvnvnvnv** (_remember-this means either change of p.o.v, scene, or a skip in the story)_

"Well, Mr. Granger, Mrs. Granger. I think I can help you."

The man, half hidden in the shadows he had magically cast with a wave of his wand, watched gleefully as the couple before him leaned forward eagerly.

"Oh, thank you!" The woman was fairly attractive, despite her hair.

"We appreciate this." The man spoke quietly. He was attractive too, in a fatherly way.

"I just happen to be an..ah..expert, shall we say- in this kind of thing"

The couple nodded. He grinned.

"Shall we get you started?"

He stood. They gasped, both frightened and shocked at the imposing figure he made. This man should be a judge or...a lawyer. His large nose dripped over and onto his upper lip, his eyebrows were large and bushy-falling together at the middle when he frowned.

"Come, come, we haven't got all day!"

They almost whimpered, the wife scooting close to her husband. He laughed, a loud booming laugh.

Then fast as lightning he grabbed at his nose and pulled it off.

**vnvnvnvnvnvnv**

_Hermione stared at him. The lust she felt was eating at her mind and soul. She was drenched in sweat, shivering and aching._

_He was so close, yet so far away. She couldn't stand it. She needed him, wanted him. It was too much. She wanted to scream, to have his lithe body pressed against hers, to have his lips crush hers with such passion, such ferocity that would shame even the most ludicrous romance novels._

_Her body was suddenly bare, suddenly exposed to the chill air. She looked up from the floor shyly, her cheeks flaming as she realized he was also unclothed._

_The room of Requirement had given them a large bed. The sheets were a deep red. Rose petals were strewn about the bed and floor. Scented candles gave off a hint of spices._

_They came together, crushing their bodies together as if they might somehow melt into eachother. They fell onto the bed. His hands skimmed her body, and she moaned. It was all so unreal. So intense._

_Every nerve of her body was on fire. And just when she couldn't stand it any longer...,_

_it squeaked._

_Her hand reached up, fumbling around for it. She knew it was there. Her fingertips brushed along rough clothe. There!_

_She pulled it into the faint light, her face a mask of horror. She squeezed it._

_It squeaked again._

_She peeled her eyes from the thing and stared open mouthed at her lover._

_"What? So I like little house elf dollys, nothin' to make fuss about." _

_He shrugged, grinning sheepishly. _

_"Ohh...Nevell."_

Her eyes snapped open. _What was that?_ She was close to screaming in her mind. A sex dream about..._him_! It wasn't right. It was...horrid. Awful.

She closed her eyes.

_Never again. Never ever again. Never again._

The chant grew in her mind, using up all of her concentration. She bit her lip, frowning.

_Never again!_

**vnv **_End Chapter One:_

Yahhh...I apologize for any misspellings, grammar errors, or anything else crappy. And for a short chapter.

It's getting late, I'm getting tired. Eh. When I look back at what I wrote I'm reminded of being a kid again. Don't ask me what I mean, I just mean it.

**REVIEW: Because uhm...I can make my muse do tricks and stuff. Or because of any reason you may have. No flames. **

**Please.**

**ohh!**

**QUESTION:** **Do any boys/guys read these snape/granger fics? It's a wonderous prospect.**

**Ta.**


	2. I need to work on my anger

Couldn't even stay away for one day. 

Please Note: I do not own the HP books, nor any of the characters except those I might choose to add. This is a humor fic, which means I may write things that make no sense and do not go along with the original plot (unless J.K decides Hermione and Snape should be together..among other things.)...And my muse is a jester. 

Also- I've read so many fics, some of the things I use might be from them. If you find this happening I'm sorry. 

This- vnvnvnvnvnvnvnvn-means the next scene, or a skip in the story. For some reason my computer won't let me do anything else. Rawr. It sucks big. 

Summary: 

**Mr. and Mrs. Granger decide to get to know the wizarding world a little bit more. They hire a 'Muggle Consultant', finding themselves drawn into things a little more than they expected. **

**Let's pretend nothing having to do with Voldemort (he's hibernating..perhaps) happens in year six. Just for a few seconds. Now imagine...**

_Start Story: Chapter Two._

"AND YOU'LL BE ABLE TO SEE THE FAMOUS FARM WHERE THIS FASCINATING WOMAN FOUND A CURE FOR THE COWS!" 

A large family sized broomstick circled a humble farm twice. There seemed to be three people riding it. One man was grinning and waving his hands about while yelling back to his passengers what they were looking at. 

The second man and his wife were holding onto the broomstick for dear life. 

"ISN'T THERE ANYWAY WE CAN DO THIS THAT'S MORE SAFE!" The second man- Mr. Granger- yelled. 

The other man, their Muggle Consultant, yelled back at him- 

"IF YOU THAT'S WHAT YOU WISH!" 

Mr. Granger sighed in relief. Maybe this time they would be able to sit comfortably in a nice car, as close to the ground as possible. 

And suddenly, he was falling. Falling, falling and falling. The impact of the air as he flipped around knocked his glasses off. He tried to yell, but the air rushed into his lungs and made him choke. 

He saw something coming towards him, something with browns and reds and yellows. He closed his eyes, knowing he could do nothing. 

_Thud_

_Thud_

_Thud_

"Jolly good!" 

He heard the voice. The voice that was starting to annoy him. 

Carefully, Mr. Granger moved his hand. He gingerly rubbed it along the things he had fallen on. It felt like... 

_carpet!_

His eyes snapped open. It was! 

"Oh dear," He heard his wife laugh, relief clear in her voice. "A flying Carpet!" 

He turned to look at her, was she insane? 

_We almost die, and she's laughing because it's a flying carpet!_

She turned to the consultant, grinning. 

"You almost had us fooled Mr. Snape!" 

**vnvnvnvnvnvnv **_Dun dun dunnnn...as the plot thickens we turn to our beloved Hogwarts._

Hermione glared at the long scroll of paper. It wasn't right. Not only did the essay she wrote on the effects of Nute's Brainseem to be missing something and she couldn't place her finger on it -but-she hadn't stopped thinking about that dream. 

What did it mean? 

Did she secretly desire Longbottom? Or was it a sign that she would never flourish in a relationship with that kind of man? 

Did it even _have_ a meaning? 

She sighed. 

She looked at the neat stack of papers. On top of the pile lay her Class Schedule. She pulled it over, wearily looking it over. 

First thing was Herbology Class 6. 

Potions was next. 

Defense Against Dark Arts. 

Then Charms. 

Transfiguration. 

She noted all five had been extended to an hour and a half, instead of the usual hour. She felt a surge of excitement. Longer lessons meant more questions, more answers, more knowledge gained, and more...everything. 

She put the schedule back, turning to her current dilemma. Her Nute's Brain essay. She could not, for the life of her, figure out why it seemed so wrong. 

Growling she flicked her wand over the page, the words disappeared one by one. 

She picked up her quill and started again. 

**vnvnvnvnvnvnv _Snape's p.o.v_**

He paced his office. There was something...off. 

His father had not spoken to him, nor answered any of his letters. Granted- the letters were of the pleading type, and his father hated pleading. 

He huffed. 

_POP!_

He turned to his desk. A neatly rolled up parchment lay innocently upon his desk. The first he had asigned his Class Six. 

_Granger._

Mumbling a curse, he strode towards the desk. Glaring at the paper as if it had just told him to sod off. He angrily ripped it off the table and resentfully unrolled it. 

His eyes scanned the page. 

_Perfec- no. _

A gleam began to shine in his eyes. Miss Granger had forgotten something. It was a minor mistake, but a mistake non the less. He chuckled. 

Perhaps Miss Granger was losing the battle. 

He looked forward to seeing her in class. She might make another mistake. 

_Hell, she could even pull a Longbottom!_

**vnvnvnvnvnvnv_ ...Potions class..._**

Hermione had briefly considered skipping Potions. She had given up on trying to find what she knew was missing on her essay. She had sighed and rolled it up. Tapping it with her wand, she activated the spell to send it down to Professor Snape's Office. 

She shouldn't have done it. 

Now- walking down to the dungeons with Harry and Ron beside her- she felt sick. 

She would have to face him. She knew he would have noticed her error. 

Would he leave it alone? Would he ignore it, or maybe ask her about it after class, when all the other students were gone? 

She hoped. 

_Please._

**vnvnvnvnvnvnv**

The students filed in, streaming to their seats. 

Snape watched for Miss Granger. She came in with Potter and Weasley, her head almost hanging. 

_So she did notice her mistake._

The corners of his mouth twitched. He stood up, walking to stand in front of the class. 

"I will assign you each a potion, a potion that will require Nute's Brain. I will be picking them from your essays." 

He smirked. 

"Let's hope you made no mistakes on your essay." 

His eyes drifted to Granger. Her cheeks were pink with shame. He turned to his desk, picking up a stack of papers. He walked back to the class, pausing in mid-step. 

"Oh Ms. Granger," 

He schooled his expression, looking bored and unconcerned. 

"That mistake you made on your essay," 

Her look of horror was priceless. 

_What? Did you think I wouldn't mention it? How naive._

"Was that it takes _approximately _twelve minutes to massage the Brain Oil into your scalp_."_

The students gasped. 

It truly was a priceless moment. 

**vnvnvnvnvnvnvnv**

Her face burned. 

All around her the students whispered and giggled over her mistake. 

_Damn it._

Harry nudged her, leaning as close to her as he dared. 

"Did you really forget to add that, Herm?" 

_Blast._

She sent a scathing look at Harry. It shouldn't matter so much. Everyone made mistakes. Why did they all consider this something to be stunned over? 

She looked at Professor Snape. 

_Is he...? He is. He's enjoying this. Bloody twat._

She bit her lip, fighting back the urge to say something nasty. 

She looked down at her desk as he went around the students, handing out potion instructions. She felt him come closer. 

"Potter." 

The shuffle of papers. 

"Gan-ger" He drew out her name, making it sound impossibly dirty. 

The paper slid in front of her eyes. The spidery elegance of his handwriting was like an ironic reminder. 

_Brain Oil: A substance made from the powder of Nute Brains, said to temporarily increase the applicant's intelliagnce._

She snorted. 

"Get to work." The professor snapped. 

_Twat._

**vnvnvnvnvnvnv _..Ministry of Magic..._**

Miles away, a flying carpet flew to the steps of the Ministry of Magic, it's passengers carefully stepping off. They wobbled up the many steps, two of them laughing, one of them feeling slightly ill. 

Mr. Snape tucked Mrs. Granger's arm beneath his, patting her delicate hand. 

"Now Mrs. Granger, you must be careful." 

She turned to look at him, startled. 

"Your beauty is not something these wild wizards of the Ministry see everyday." 

She laughed, slapping his arm playfully. 

"You're such a flatterer!" 

Mr. Granger growled low in his throat. His wife looked back at him, surprised. Then she spoke smoothly- 

"Mr. Snape, what exactly will you be showing us here?" 

She slid her arm out of his and stepped to her husband's side. He smiled mischievously at them. He motioned for them to follow him. 

"I'll be showing you some of the laws we have, and the reasons for them. Also- some age old traditions our pureblood families have._"_

Their interest was heightened. 

**vnvnvnvnvnvnv ..._Potions Class_..**

Snape sat at his desk, grading the essays. The ink the flowed from his quill was blood red, it seemed to help his scathing comments seem more scathing. 

_Really, _he thought, _I'm only telling the truth._

He wondered how Granger was fairing. He had seen the look she barely managed to control. He looked up, and noticed something odd. 

She was not sitting near Longbottom. 

In fact, she seemed to as _far away_ from him as possible. In her usual seat was the Lavander girl. The boy was giving Granger pleading looks. She seemed to be ignoring him. 

_Odd. _

Perhaps he shouldn't have been so brutal. She had done something that pleased him without him even noticing. He raised an eyebrow curiously. 

_Thank you Granger._

**vnvnvnvnvnvnv _...Griffindor Common Room- after classes._**

"Rough day, dears?" 

The Lady in the Portrait asked Harry, Ron and Hermione. Hermione snorted. 

"For me at least." 

They crawled through the hole, and suddenly people pounced on Hermione. Literally-pounced. Thomas, a fellow sixth year, was hugging her and slapping her back like she had just won the Quiditch World Cup and was splitting the prize. 

She almost fell over. 

"Congrats Hermione! You actually mucked up!" 

"This is great!" 

"She's one of us!" 

"Well done, my friend!" 

They all seemed to want to thump her on the back and congratulate her. And she hadn't even made it past the hole. 

_Sod it all._

She glared at them, pushing them away from her. 

Then she turned to Harry and Ron, 

"I'm going to Madam Pomfry." 

"What?" They said in unison. 

She sighed. Sometimes they were so...dense. 

"I'm going because obviously something is wrong with me." 

"Well, let us come with you then, Hermione." This was Harry. 

"No." 

"But-" 

"No!" 

She turned, using all her force to push open the back of the portrait. She faintly heard the portrait utter an objection through the ringing heat in her ears. 

She stormed down the halls, her thoughts on what might be wrong with her. She searched her mind for a logical explanation. 

_I must be sick._

She pushed open the Hospital Wing door, 

"Madam Pomfry, I'm sick!" 

"Ms. Granger!" 

Hermione stopped short. 

"Professor McGonagall." 

**vnvnvnvnvnvnv ..._Snape_...**

Snape casually walked down to the Hospital Wing. His enormous robes billowing and almost catching on the crate that floated behind him. 

He had finished making the most popular headache potion among the students and staff alike. Who knew that these potions that were so loved were made by his careful hands. 

As he rounded a corner, he heard sobbing. He stopped short-he would not enter the wing if there was a child crying. No doubt he would scare them into hysteria. 

"NUTE'S BRAIN!" 

His eyebrow rose. Perhaps he underestimated the effect of his presence. Suddenly he recognized the voice. 

_Granger?_

Well, well, well. She had finally broke down. There was a muffled response to her outburst, the tone was stern. McGonagall. He stepped cautiously forward till he stood just beside the door. 

"And then he gave you the potion's instructions?" 

"Yes." 

"Why might he have done this?" 

"Because he hates me." 

Snape snorted. He hated Potter, and that Weasley gnat. 

There was a pause-Snape thought they heard him- but Promfry's voice broke the silence. 

"You're a brilliant girl, Hermione. Think." 

Pause. 

He leaned closer. 

"He likes me?" 

Good God, has the girl lost all sense? He gave her that particular potion because she obviously needed to practice on it. He had done it for the rest of the class as well! 

_The satisfaction was only a bonus._

"Granger." -McGonagall. "Get some sleep. Tomorrow at breakfast, eat lots of protein." 

"But-" 

"Now Granger." 

Snape quickly retraced his steps, re-walking around the corner just as Granger walked out. The look she gave him was that of a startled rabbit which quickly turned to one of shame. 

She scuttled down the corridor. 

He turned to open door of the Hospital Wing. 

"Severus." 

"Minerva." 

**vnvnvnvnvnvnv _...Harlottes Enchanted Stay and Reside._**

Mr. Granger pored over the books the consultant had given him.History of Wizards, by Mario Hersloop. 

"Fascinating stuff." He remarked again to his wife. She lay in the bed beside him, also reading. Romance Through the Ages, by Rosalynnd Lovetrace. She mumbled a 'mmhmm' and turned the page. 

They had both taken to their books like kittens to cream. 

Mrs. Granger, being the old romantic that she was, had fallen 'in love' with the marriage traditions of the Wizarding World. She sighed when she read that the well-off grooms would send their brides a gift each day-twelve days before the wedding. The weddings would be as large as they could, with details such as doves and fairies. 

"Fairies!" She exlaimed. 

_The guests often send gifts before and after the wedding. No matter if they were small gifts of the finest chocolates or large expansive gifts of jewels. And the gifts at the wedding!_

_All weddings are guaranteed to have an ice sculpture- because they magically appear. No matter what wedding, there is an ice sculpture. There are accounts of sculptures such as pigs, Adam and Eve, butterflies that floated around and even a giant unicorn! It is one of the things people excitedly looked forward too. No two sculptures are the same. Some people believed that the size and beauty of the sculptures depend on the couple's love for eachother, but there is no proof that their belief is a fact._

"Ice sculptures!" She exlaimed. 

She turned the page. It was a new chapter.Arranged Marriages. She leaned forward curiously. 

_Arranged Marriages go back centuries. It is hard to know just when, but one of the rumors say it was when a leading wizard's son had run off and secretly married two women, he then came back and swore to marry a whole heard of cows before sunset. A more probable rumor said it was because two houses desired their children to marry, and the children refused. _

_The two Head of Houses come together and draw up a contract. They converse about the goods and bads, and what they would personally gain from it. If their needs were met they signed the contract. If not- they went their seperate ways. Sometimes enemies, sometimes friends._

"Oh." She said softly. She turned the page. 

_What to do when you're considering an arranged marriage for your son/daughter: An Overview._

_Look at the position the prospect is in, are they the youngest child? The heir? This is important for your child's future. If they're the youngest child, look to their personality, their talents. Will they be successful? If it is the heir you are considering-look to their riches. Have they enough to last at least three generations? Go for no less. You do not know what kind of debt they might have in later years. You want your child to survive. It would not be well for them to live uncomfortably. _

Mrs. Granger shut the book. _Nonsense._ She thought. 

"What's wrong, dear?" 

"Nothing. There's just something in this book I don't understand." 

"Ask Gerald tomorrow." 

He gently shut his book, shifting to his usual sleep position. 

"Yes," She nodded, reaching over to turn off the lights. "I think I will." 

**vnvnvnvnvnvnv _...Hogwarts, breakfast._**

Hermione stared meekly at her goblet of stawberry juice. Had she really said _that_? And to her _Professor_ no less. 

_"He likes me?"_

She snorted. Should have kept to 'he hates me'. What had made her think he liked her? She knew he didn't. Even if he didn't hate her, he still didn't like her. 

She hadn't thought she would sleep, she felt so ashamed. But when her head touched the pillow she felt the world slipping away. 

She took the Professor's advice and ate extra protein. It wouldn't have been so bad if she hadn't seen him right after. She had the growing suspicion he had heard her. 

_Oh god, what if he had?_

She looked up at the staff table. He was untying something from a large silver _Ostus asio_. It was a letter. From the look on Snape's face, she would have said he looked..nervous. 

_What kind of letter is it?_

He made to get up, but seemed to change his mind. He sat more stiffly in his chair than she had ever seen him. He carefully broke the seal. 

She watched his face as he read the letter. 

_Annoyance._

_Resentment._

_Anger._

She gasped. What did the letter say that it was making him grip it so hard his knuckles were a pinkish white? 

He abruptly stood up, his chair fell back from the force. He stormed out of the hall, his whole body looking ready to wreak havoc. 

She looked around at the bewildered Griffindors. She was as clueless as them. 

**vnvnvnvnvnvnv _...Snape's rooms._**

He paced. 

_Fuck._

He glared at the letter. It's innocence mocked him. 

For weeks he had been trying to get an answer, and now that he finally got it-the answer burned him. He wanted to rip the letter into thousands of peices and toss it into the fire. 

The letter was spelled against any harmful acts. 

He pulled open a cabinet and poured himself a glass of his strongest alcohol. The liquid burned down his throat and settled it's heat into his stomach. He sighed, leaning against his desk. 

It had to be. 

He pulled the letter towards him, fingering it open. 

_Dearest Severus,_

_I am concerned about your behavior. You are my heir, this is expected of you. Do not concern yourself as of yet. I have deemed all unworthy. Consider this a good thing, you will have many things that were once denied. _

_Your loving Father,_

_Gerald Snape._

He spat on it, tossing it to the floor. Rereading it had increased his level of disgust. 

_Marriage?_

**vnvnvnvnvnvnv**

Gerald snape listened to the woman, fully expecting this of her. She had read the book he had given her, and was confused about a certain part. A certain part he had hoped she would notice. 

"Mrs. Granger," He said, understanding in his voice. 

"Perhaps I should tell you about the way it can be in my world." 

He glanced at her husband, he was thoroughly occupied with his book. He settled down in his chair, focusing all his attention on the woman before him. 

"There are some things that are very old fashioned. Arranged marriages are usually for purebloods. It ensures that the blood stays pure." 

He watched as she bristled at this information. 

"There are other reasons, of course. A marriage of conveniencelets the young woman or man go about their lives like they normally would, except.." 

He continued. 

**_...Mrs. Granger._**.. 

She had listened to the man explain it. Heirs, peer pressure, and even finances. There- he had said something that caught her attention. 

"The money it costs to put your daughter through any kind of schooling after Hogwarts, and after that- if she wanted to start up her own practice, would be very, very expansive. It could possibly take her many years. Several tries. An arranged marriage does not necessarilymean her unhappiness. In fact-it could mean the opposite." 

She thought. 

"If I was...just looking at the idea of an arranged marriage, who would I look at..for my Hermione?" 

He smiled. 

**vnvnvnvnvnvnvnv _...Breakfast table, two months later._**

Hermione sat laughing with her friends. She had finally forgiven Nevell for that dream, and even agreed to help him with his charms essay. 

She eagerly grabbed the last muffin, sticking her tongue out at Ron as he sputtered. 

She had all but forgotten the incident with snape. He hadn't mentioned anything and she prefered it that way. She felt good. Really good. She had sent a letter out to her parents, telling them of the several colleges she was considering. She felt nothing but good could come from them. 

_WHOOSH_

She looked up excitedly. The mail. 

The owl that usually delivered her Daily Prophetswooped down, landing wobbily in front of her. She gently undid the newspaper, brushing her fingers gently along it's head. 

"Oi, Herm-" Ron said between his toast and jam. He swallowed. 

"There's a Quidditch article in there, mind if Harry and me borrow it for a sec?" 

"Harry and I." 

She corrected as she handed it over. She turned back to her muffin, only to find it being pecked at by an owl. She gasped. It was the same one, the_ same one_, that had delivered Snape's letter months before. 

She stared at the letter attached to it's leg. 

It looked reproachfully at her, holding out it's foot. She wiped her palms on her robes, and reached out. She untied the letter, absentmindedly patting the owl. 

She stared at the address. 

_Hermione Granger, Hogwarts._ The handwriting was definitely larger, and more scrawled. But-it looked so much like...She glanced up at the staff table. Brown eyes met onix. He was staring at the letter in her hands intensely. 

"What's that Hermione?" Harry leaned over. 

"I don't...know." 

She turned it over, her eyes landing on the seal. 

Snape. 

She quickly looked up at the staff table. He was leaning forward now, frowning. He glared at her and mouthed the words, 

_open it._

She did. She slid her clean breakfast knife under the thick wax and unfolded the letter. She sighed in relief. 

_Hermione Dear!_

_Mum and Dad here. How are you my Darling? I miss you so much_. _We've had some interesting adventures. Don't even ask Dad about the cow thing. He goes nuts with it! Ranting about how they shouldn't call a lasting way to soften a cow's hair a cure. Honestly, I think It's quite nice. Everyone should have the option of soft hair._

_Anyway, Dad says I should get to the point of this letter. But first I have to tell you that we were feeling kind of left out. You in your world and us in ours. We really didn't understand what it was like in the Wizarding World, and for that I'm sorry. Hermione dear, we love you no matter what, but now we feel close to you. We hired a 'Muggle Consultant', I'm sure you know what that is, you're so smart! _

_He taught us so much about your world! Things make so much more sense now. You don't have to worry about anything anymore. Gerald Snape is a great man. He explained the way things are going to be for you when you graduate. We've taken care of everything! You'll be so proud of us. _

_Guess what, Hermione!_

_You're getting married! _

"WHAAT!" 

_It took a while to convice Dad, he's stuck in the stone age you know. But once we got your letter, and I asked him "How can we afford her next school?" He agreed. Of course it wouldn't help just our family. Gerald assured us that the man we picked for you would be eternally grateful. You see, Gerald has only one heir, and because of a curse that was thrown at him during a battle Gerald has lost the ability to you know..get another. And even if he was able, Hermione darling, at his age it wouldn't be recommended. _

_Gerald assure's us that the Snape coffers are brimming, you will never need to take out any loans or mortgages. I hope your happy Darling, we did this because we love you. _

_I know how you'll react. I know you'll be angry and astonished that we might do something like this. But we love you. And I know you'll be happy in the end. The contract is binding, so I advise you to get to know your fiance. I'll send a copy of the contract as soon as possible. _

_And don't worry, it's all legal._

_Love Mum._

"WHAAAAT!" She stared numbly at the letter. 

_What?_

"What is it Herm?" Harry reached for the letter. She pulled it out of his reach. Shaking her head almost violently. She turned to the pale man at the staff table. She slowly rose from her seat. 

"YOU," She screamed out. "HOW CAN THIS HAVE HAPPENED! HAVE YOU NO CONTROL OVER YOUR MEDDLING FATHER! YOU'VE RUINED MY LIFE!" 

The man stood, his own anger chilling the air around him. 

"Ms. Granger." He spoke calmly. "I don't know what has happened, so quit your shouting. Follow me if you want any kind of assistance." 

He turned and strode out the hall. 

Hermione was left where she stood, without a target for her helpless anger. She looked around, huffing. Everyone was silent with surprise. 

_Blast._

She turned and ran. 

It took her minutes to catch up with him. When she rounded a corner, panting, she found him waiting impatiently. She glared at him, he glared back. 

The walk to his office was silent. Her mind thought up all sorts of nasty things to say, and she almost said them multiple times. 

The door to his office swung open, Hermione was ushered in. She stood in the middle of the room and turned to face him. He looked tired and worn out. 

"Do you know?" She demanded. 

"No. But I have an idea." 

She snorted. 

He sighed. 

She would be difficult, she knew. In the end, if there was going to be an end, he would be more worn out than she. She crossed her arms. 

"We're to be married." 

**vnvnvnvnvnvnvnv**

**I'm being fast with this story. Only the second chapter and already they know. Yes, I know this fic is another of those 'forced marriage' fics. I planned it that way. There are some things that obviously are seriously unlikely. I doubt Hermione's mom would so easily be convinced to an arranged marriage. Who knows, maybe her decision was 'magically' influenced? All I'm saying is don't get mad at me. It's all part of the plot.**

**I apologize for any grammar errors, and any misspellings. I forgot how to spell some of the names, I know I did. If you could correct me on them, I'd be grateful.**

**Oh yeah. That part where he gave her the potion to do and it spoke about increasing the person's intelligance? I had no clue till after I wrote it that it went perfectly with what happened. **

**Ostus asio: It's a North American owl. I think.**

**REVIEW: Because I love Elephants.**

**Ta.**


	3. Pops, fears and almost tears

Back again. Couldn't even stay away for ONE night. Oh well. I'm having fun. 

Please Note: I do not own the HP books, nor any of the characters except those I might choose to add. This is a humor fic, which means I may write things that make no sense, do not go along with the original plot (unless J.K decides Hermione and Snape should be together..among other things.)...And my muse is a jester. 

Also- I've read so many fics, some of the things I use might be from them. If you find this happening I'm sorry. 

This- **vnvnvnvnvnvnvnvn**-means the next scene, or a skip in the story. For some reason my computer won't let me do anything else. Rawr. It sucks big. 

Summary: 

**Mr. and Mrs. Granger decide to get to know the wizarding world a little bit more. They hire a 'Muggle Consultant', finding themselves drawn into things a little more than they expected. **

**Let's pretend nothing having to do with Voldemort (he's hibernating..perhaps) happens in year six. Just for a few seconds. Now imagine...**

_Start Story: Chapter Three_

_**vnvnvnvnvnvnv ...Severus Snape's Office.**_

_"We're to be married."_

He hadn't wanted to hear those words. Hadn't wanted to face the idea. His stomach felt sick. 

_Married_. 

And to Granger, of all people. Why hadn't his father just disowned him. He was sure he could live with itmore than he could with _Granger._

He looked at the girl. 

She glared at him. 

"May I see the letter?" 

She threw it at him. It hit his lower waist, almost too close for comfort to his... 

She smirked. 

He ignored her, unfolding the letter. His eyes scanned it, becoming wide or surprisingly small at several parts. 

He reread it several times. At last he gently placed it on his desk. 

"Is your mother _mad?_" He could not believe it. The woman, how could she do something like that, and to her own daughter? 

Ganger bristled. 

"My mother is not mad." 

_Yes, she is._

"She's overprotective. I don't have to go college! I can just get a job with what knowledge I have." 

"You'll still have to marry me." 

"I do not!" 

"Do not become a silly brainless girl like you did that night in the Hospital Wing!" He ordered. 

She fell silent. 

"You _heard._" 

"Yes." 

"Why do I have to marry you?" 

"Because," He rolled his eyes. "Your_ parents_ happened to sign a Wizard Marriage Contract. They cannot be undone unless either one of us dies or one of them dies." 

She blanched. 

"Exactly. We are officially engaged." 

"I didn't want to hear that." 

"You had to." 

"What are we going to do?" 

"Almost nothing until we receive copies of the contract." 

"Should we tell Professor Dumbledore?" 

"Of course." 

She looked positively frightened. He smirked. 

Severus Snape was an odd creature. In times of discomfort, whether it was his own, or that of another-he always felt the need to make them feel worse. A habit he blamed on his father. 

"I wonder..." He drawled out. 

She looked up, a spark of hope in her eyes. 

"What?" 

"In marriage contracts, the parents agree upon a list of..conditions they require the marriage to achieve or produce." 

She quivered. His eyes lit up with predatory gleam. 

"I am the only heir." 

She gasped, shaking her head vigorously. 

"Ms. Granger, my father is not the type to let something so valued in purebloods pass for the comfort of a muggle-born. It is, after all, the only reason I am to marry." 

She stood still, like a life-threatened rabbit. 

His left eyebrow rose. 

"There are also..other things he would require. He is after all a Slytherin, and Slytherin men like their luxurys." 

She almost crumpled to the floor. He was laughing inside. 

"W..what kind of.." She gulped. 

He strode towards her. He leaned close, enjoying the way she defiantly glared up at him. One of his long pale fingers pushed her face up towarsd his own as he leaned down. 

"My father would never forget to allow his son the pleasures of a wife." 

She flushed. 

"My parents would never agree to that." 

He laughed. 

"We'll see." 

**vnvnvnvnvnv _...Hermione's p.o.v_**

She watched him as he turned around, and walked back to his desk. 

The object had obviously served him well, adding to the image of Scary Potions Master. It was of the darkest wood she had ever seen. He pulled out a note sized piece of parchment, quickly jotting down two lines. 

He muttered something, and the note disappeared. 

Even in her weakened state she felt the ripple of excitement that ran through her mind at body at the sight of wandless magic. 

She was curious, she wanted to know what he wrote. 

As if reading her thoughts he looked up. 

"Sit down Granger, Albus will be here soon." 

She felt a surge of relief. Professor Dumbledore would know what to do. He might even know a way to get her out of this! 

She sat down, nervously looking around. She needed to do something with her hands. She began to drum a muggle song on her knees. 

"You will cease that racket." Snape spat, glaring at the log book in front of him. 

She stared at his nose. 

She stared at his eyebrows. 

She stared at his lips. 

_Were they actually pink? _She snorted._ Snape has pink lips!_

She stared at his cheeks. They were slightly pink also. 

_Pink lips, pink cheeks. What else is pink? No. I did not just get that image._

She shuddered. 

She stared at his hands. 

_Instrument playing hands. An artist' hands._

She stared into his eyes. 

What would he do if she told him about that sex dream? She remembered the squeaking house elf toy and shuddered. 

_Squeak._

The fire burning in the hollow niche of the stone wall farthest from them turned a merry green. An old man wearing yellow and purple robes stepped gingerly out. He brushed off his robes, smiling gently as she sighed his name in relief- 

"Porfessor Dumbledore!" 

He smiled. Welcoming the child into his arms. She hugged him fiercely. He rubbed her back, and ushered her back into her seat. 

"I think I know what is going on," He said as he settled into the chair next to Hermione's. "Miss Gnager received a letter today, shall I read it?" 

Snape nodded curtly, handing the letter over. 

Hermione felt the butterflies in her stomach return. Would Dumbledore question her mother's sanity also? 

She watched intently as his read the letter. He sighed. Her dread increased. 

"There is nothing I can do until we see the contract." 

Silence. 

And then as if on cue there was a noise that broke the silence- 

_POP!_

All three jumped. It had landed in front of Snape. 

_POP!_

They were suddenly startled again by another rolled and sealed parchment arriving. This time arriving in front of Hermione. It had landed with the seal face up. 

She stared at it. 

Amidst many swirls and flourishes sat a mud brown G. 

A grunt of disbelief and astonishment brought her attention to the Potion's Master. He was reading his copy of the contract. 

Glancing at Dumbledore, she reached out and picked it up. She slid her finger along to edge to break the seal. A cloud of sparkles erupted from it as she unrolled the pages. 

Dumbledore sneezed. 

She scanned the contract. 

"This is ludicrous!" Snape tossed his copy to Dumbledore. The older man deftly caught it and rolled it open. 

She stared in horror at the conditions her mother, her _own mother_ had set. 

Dates with Severus Snape, before and after the wedding. Gifts from Severus at random occasions, also before and after the wedding. A traditional pureblood wedding with fairies, doves, and rainbow confetti. Romantic nights spent with Severus Snape, and possibly a granchild or two. Jewelry to be given randomly, and a portrait to be painted. 

And that wasn't even the whole if it. 

The exchange offered was help with the wedding, and then help with the grandchildren, and help with any tooth problems, or any relationship problems. 

She turned the page to see what Snape's father had written. 

One male heir. 

She snarled sarcastically at the Snape before her- 

"Of course, it has to be male." 

He smirked. 

One male heir. Somewhat obedience. A percentage of any financial gains. Acceptance of any physical needs. 

She went considerably pale. 

The exchange he offered was to support her in every way. Education, financial, personal. 

She glared at the page, willing it to set fire. 

Dumbledore cleared his throat. 

"I will go to the ministry tomorrow. I suggest both of you take a strong sleeping potion." 

He stood and headed to the fire. 

He turned back, looking sadly at them. 

"There will be no classes for either of you tomorrow." 

And then he was gone. 

**vnvnvnvnvnvnv_ ...Griffindor Common Room._**

Hermione wearily climbed through to the common room. She noticed Harry and Ron asleep in two plush chairs by the crackling fire. 

She crept past them, not wanting to asnwer their questions. 

When she reached her bed, she glanced longingly at it, and pulled out the small vile in her robe's pocket. 

She uncorked it, and pressed it to her lips. She swung her head back, letting the contents slide soothingly down her throat. 

She slid under the blankets, groaning gently as her body sunk gratefully into the bed. 

_He really does make great sleep potions._

**vnvnvnvnvnvnv**

Mah. I'm so tired. Should-not-have-stayed-up-till-three-writing. 

Once again apologize for any mistakes, I am so tired I cannot tell my left from my right. How in the world do you spell dumbledore's damn name! I can never remember. I've lost all sanity. 

And is it just me, or is this fic kind of...not funny? I don't know. I've only laughed a few times so far. And it's mostly been at myself... 

**REVIEW: Because this fic rocks your socks and the block.** **I'm just kidding. You can like it however much you like. You can even have a love/hate relatioship with it. Muaha.**

**wow. short chapter. **

**Ta.**


	4. Son of the Groom, part one

Oh my goosh. I'm back again, for the...fourth chapter? Yes. 

Thank you, all of you, for your reviews. And thank you, to those two males that answered my question.

**This story does have a plot (I only just figured part of it out), and it will most likely be..pointless. So...enjoy! A light, breezy, puffy-cloud, summer lovin fanfiction. From yours truly. **

Please Note: I do not own the HP books, nor any of the characters except those I might choose to add. This is a humor fic, which means I may write things that make no sense, do not go along with the original plot (unless J.K decides Hermione and Snape should be together..among other things.)...And my muse is a jester.

Also- I've read so many fics, some of the things I use might be from them. If you find this happening I'm sorry.

This- vnvnvnvnvnvnvnvn-means the next scene, or a skip in the story. For some reason my computer won't let me do anything else. Rawr. It sucks big.

Summary:

**Mr. and Mrs. Granger decide to get to know the wizarding world a little bit more. They hire a 'Muggle Consultant', finding themselves drawn into things a lit**tle more than they expected.

Let's pretend nothing having to do with Voldemort (he's hibernating..perhaps) happens in year six. Just for a few seconds. Now imagine...

Start story:

Mr. Ganger stared at his wife. In all their years of being married, he had never, ever seen something like this. It was..so highly unusual it made him practically delirious.

His wife-

was still alseep.

Even when she was pregnant she would be awake before him. Always doing something.

But now? Almost noon, with the bed clothes rolled around her like a cocoon. Hesitantly he nudged her shoulder. She groaned.

"Love?"

Groan.

"Love?"

Nudge.

Scream.

He jumped back. She sat up, her hair wild and slightly twisted around her neck. She growled. He walked forward slightly, his hand out.

She blinked.

"Good night."

She turned and buried herself back in the covers.

He sniffed.

**vnvnvnvnvnvnvnv _...Snape._**

He stared at the man before him, bemused.

"What did you say?"

"Married. Two days from now, bring your fiance."

The man shimmied and disappeared.

The look Severus wore was...demonic. He was beyond anger. Beyond disgust. It was his father's wish to keep him in excruciating pain until either of them died.

His father was remarrying.

Two days.

Granger.

He would have to bring the girl. No doubt her parents were also invited. He didn't go to weddings, he wouldn't go to his own if he had the choice. And now..Father, Granger's parents, Granger.

He downed his glass of whiskey.

_Crud._

**vnvnvnvnvnvnvnv_ ...Hermione._**

She had avoided the great hall, choosing to spend the morning in the library. Studying the contract and...hiding. Harry and Ron had been looking for her.

She had cast a mind disregarding spell over herself, hoping it would hold.

She set the pile of books down. She figured that even if there wasn't a way out- she could find a way around some of the..specifics. She shuddered.

_No doubt they would turn out geniuses._

She winced, pushing that thought away. She wouldn't do anything, say anything, or think anything that might jinx her hopes. She did not want to think about having kids with Snape.

She heard a loud thud and someone cursed. She sunk as low as she could in her chair.

_"Shh. Ron.." _

"_Sorry."_

Harry.

She closed her eyes. _Go away, go away._

"Don't think she's here.."

"She has to be, we've searched everywhere else."

They were right behind her now. She could hear their steady breathing.

"Wonder what's wrong."

"I hate it when she does this."

"Yeah."

She frowned. When she did what? She peeked up. They were looking around, determined frowns upon both their faces. Harry sighed.

"We're not going to find her Ron."

A noise of protest.

"Course we will!"

"She doesn't want to be found."

"She could have been kidnapped!"

"Ron.."

"She could have!"

"Ron-"

"She could!"

"We saw her this morning!"

_"Shhhhhh.."_

Hermione smiled. She could always count on the librarians. They muttered a pair of sorrys and shuffled away. She let out a breath, relieved. Trust Harry to understand her.

_Pfffffffft._

Abruptly she jumped.

"Oh my gosh.."

"Miss Hermione, good day!"

She stared at the house elf, her heart racing. The thing was a runt, she noticed. Smaller than Dobby by half.

"You scared me."

The elf bowed.

"Many apologies. Dumblydorf sent me. He say-Miss Hermione must meet me in my office with the Professor Snapes."

He bowed again.

She nodded, standing. She smoothed her robes, tucking her hair behind her ears.

"Lets go."

She left. The elf followed happily.

**vnvnvnvnvnvnv_...Dumbledor's office._**

Hermione reached the spiraling staircase the same time her..fiance did. She nodded politely to him.

He ignored her.

"Chocolate Blueberries."

The grinding of stone against stone. They stepped on to the stairs.

She sighed.

_How will we ever get along?_

She suddenly had a vision,

_she was choking on a piece of potato, and her husband ignored her. He didn't even look up from his book. A moment later she collapsed, her face in her soup. He suddenly says-_

_"Pass the butter."_

She glared at her Professor.

He sneered at a cockroach, slamming his foot on it. A look of relish fluttered across his face at the crunching sound.

She grimaced.

The staircase doors opened, and they walked through. Snape held the door to Dumbledors office for her and she could feel his eyes on her.

Dumbledor looked up and smiled kindly.

She felt a large cube of ice slide down her stomach.

**vnvnvnvnvnvnv _...Mr.Ganger._**

Perhaps she was secretly drinking. Or maybe doing drugs. He remembered the time in college when they experimented with the test equipment. They hadn't left that room for hours.

Maybe she had become addicted?

Paul Granger turned to view his lovely wife turned mad.

"Troy!"

She yelled, brandishing an umbrella.

"For Troy!"

And she jumped off the bed, waving her weapon around, fighting imaginary enemies.

He sighed. At first it was little things, like insisting he buy rubbie duckies for hair. Then it gradually increased to smacking him on the head when he was dead alseep and yelling at him to wash his feet.

He rubbed a very sore spot on his head.

_I've got to tell hermione._

He went to the Inn's nightstand and pulled out a sheet of paper.

_Dear Hermione,_

_There's something you should know..._

**vnvnvnvnvnvnvnv _...Hermione._**

She sighed. She knew it from the first time she thought against it. She had to marry Snape. She had to have babies with him. She had to go on dates, and sleep in his bed. All because of her mother and his father.

Professore Dumbledor had not been able to do anything.

The contract was legal as well as everything in it. If her mother had not set a date, then perhaps they might have waited thirty years to marry. But she had.

And now it was real.

She turned to look at him. The man she would give herself to.

His face was devoid of his usual emotion. In it's place was resignation. His eyes were closed and his fingers tapped against the arm rests of his chair.

He opened his eyes and looked at her.

"I suppose now is the correct time to tell you that the day after tomorrow is my father's wedding. You are required to attend on my arm, and to be known as my fiance."

She gasped.

He rolled his eyes.

"Did you not hear anything Albus was saying? You are going to be my wife."

"Severus.." Dumbledore warned quietly.

Snape glanced resentfully at the older man. Hermione wished she could hex the bitter man into oblivion. She was about to retort when her thoughts were interrupted by the forgotten house elf.

"Miss Hermione, please."

She glanced down at the little elf, he was pulling on her robes. His big brown eyes were as wide as saucers.

Snape's eyebrows rose.

"What is it?"

"Professor Snapes, sir, should be proud to have you as his wife! Non of us likes him, we all likes you. And we all likes you. No mean Snapey, we don't like him. You we likes you. You should come visit me more often. I'll get you all kinds of goodies like cookies and truffles and pies!"

Dumbledore coughed.

Hermione grinned. The little elf was right. He should be proud.

_Just as I should._

Her grin disappeared. She turned to her professor, meeting his gaze.

"I am...proud to be your fiance."

**vnvnvnvnvnvnvnv** **_...Day of Snape Sr.'s wedding. Ahck._**

He stared angrily at his reflection in his bedroom mirror. He detested his formal robes. They clung to his frame more than his usual, and were trimmed with silk.

He wanted to rip them off and burn them.

_Suck it up, Severus. _

Robes were the least of his problems.

He sighed. He was the best man. Which meant standing at his father's side. Which meant watching the wedding kiss. Wich meant giving a toast. He had to kiss the new bride. He had to give gifts.

He had to_ dance._

Of all the things he would have to do, dancing was his bane. It wasn't that he couldn't dance. Of course he could dance. It would be a disgrace to his pureblood line if he couldn't. He had been trained in all popular dances along with the traditional, many unusual and foreign, and even the one his great-grandfather, Alleve Snape, created to prove to his wife he was artistic. He had been taught all the secret steps and flourishes that very few know of or care to learn.

Severus Snape _could_ dance.

But he hated it. It was trivial and pointless. And he always got the annoying ones as his partner.

_You'll have to dance with Granger._

He hesitated. He would, wouldn't he? She had probably read something on the subject of wizard dances. Hopefully she wouldn't do anything to embarrass him.

The wedding would start mid-afternoon and last till evening. He would have to take a draught to keep himself going.

He strode to his personal potion cabinet, carefully undoing enough wards so that he could reach in to grab a specialty. He paused as his fingers brushed the bottle.

_Would Granger want one? _

He widened his hand and curled his fingers around two bottles. He tucked them in a pocket and whispered the word that replaced the wards.

He took one last glance at himself in the mirror, smiled, grimaced, and left.

**vnvnvnvnvnvnvnv _...Hermione, sweet hermione._**

She sat on her bed, breathing deeply. She was nervous. Her shoes felt too tight, her hair wasn't cooperating, she didn't know what to get for a gift.

Boy was she nervous.

The butterflies had seemed to grow and wind themselves around eachother until they were all knotted and gave new meaning to butterfly net.

She jumped at the sound of someone rapping on the door.

"Come in."

The person hesitated.

She raised her eyebrows.

The door creaked open. Two big ears, two big eyes, and a small nose peeped in.

"Miss Hermione?"

"Hello, Riu."

The house elf wobbled in.

"Miss Hermione, miss, I gots you some tea."

A tray appeared, perfectly balanced, on her bed. She sighed, breathing in the pleasant aroma.

"Thank you, I needed this."

She smiled down at the beaming elf. He had been doing special favors for her, spelling her towels to be nice and hot when she finished her bath, bringing tea to her in the library, and even turning away her two best friends when they came to question her.

"I knows what Miss needs, I knows what Miss needs."

And he disappeared.

She sipped her tea. She really should speak to them soon. She didn't know how much she should tell them...the whole? No.

She shook her head.

They wouldn't take nicely to the idea of Snape touching her and sharing her bed. Though she doubted they would take nicely to any of the news.

She felt something..unusual flare up inside her.

It was almost like..satisfaction.

She knew she had often been called the Bookworm Virgin by random people. Ron had sometimes called her that, when she was being particularly stubborn about something. He didn't know how much it had hurt her. Her own best friend.

Maybe she should tell them. Just to see Ron's reaction.

Hermione Granger was going to marry the dreaded Professor Snape,

and have sex with him.

She would not be a virgin for long. He could have her whenever he wanted-it was in the contact.

_He is a Slytherin._

She shivered. Slytherins were known for their aptitude in the subject of pleasure. If he turned out to posses the prowess many did not, and decided to use it on her, she would not say no.

It was in the contract.

"Miss Granger."

She jumped. The man of her thoughts was standing in front of her, arms crossed. She looked up. He was wearing his dress robes, his hair combed back.

He wasn't handsome, but he wasn't ugly. His appearance was...arresting. He stood tall and haughty, waiting impatiently for her.

She swallowed.

"Sir."

"Let's go."

She nodded, standing and following him out.

**vnvnvnvnv**

They arrived in a deserted alley. It was large and clean, newly paved. She looked around, amused.

Fancy, one might call it.

Snape twitched her sleeve, she followed him to a plain cream-colored door. He knocked on it twice, sharp and demanding. The door opened smoothly, with nary a creak.

_Fancy indeed._

Snape stood aside, motioning for her to enter first. She did so questioningly, wondering where he had taken her. A restaurant? Or perhaps her robes were not up to standards and he wanted to buy her more desirable ones?

Her question was answered when they entered a medium-sized room full of display cases. Her eyes widened. It was beautiful!

The lighting was muted, and soft music drifted over from a concealed corner. The jewels in the cases sparkled and called to her with their beauty.

A small, pudgy man hurried to them, leaving his task of polishing a large ring undone. He smoothed his robes and thinning hair, smiling covetously.

"Mr. Snape! Welcome, I'm honored to receive you and your..ah, friend?"

His eyes roamed her face, searching for her connection with the man beside her. She glanced up at Snape. His face had darkened, he clearly disliked the man.

Just as she decided to answer the man herself, he spoke-

"Are we alone?"

"What? Ah-yes, yes. Alone. No one else here, hah. "

Snape quickly scanned the room, and satisfied, leaned close to the man. He spoke quietly, his face hardening. The man's eyes widened and he nodded.

Then he turned and smiled brightly at Hermione.

"Do you know your size?"

She blinked.

Did he mean her wand size, or her dress size?...Shoe size...? Or maybe he meant her neck size. Why was he asking for her size at all?

Snape rolled his eyes.

"Your ring size."

Oh. She glanced at her hands. They were ink stained and pale. She hadn't spent much time outdoors. She let them drop.

"My mother is a six."

The man nodded, and plucked her hand from her side and eagerly examined it. His bushy eyebrows flew up, down and wiggled around.

"You should also be a six. But to be sure-"

He pulled out a short, chubby, stubby wand. He flicked it sharply, a stream of pink and white ribbon streamed out, wrapping around her ring finger.

"Yes!"

He slapped her hand affectionately. She pulled it back like a wounded dog, this man was strange. He hummed as he went around a counter and faced a wall. His eyes squinted and he puffed out his cheeks.

She followed Snape to the counter, watching the man curiously.

He was tapping different parts of the wall with his wand, grunting and sighing as nothing seemed to happen. He looked over his shoulder at them.

"You weren't wanting a new one?"

Snape stared coldly at the man.

He wimpered and turned back to the wall. He tapped it some more, going deep into thought. Suddenly he aha'd and tapped a few times in a dark shady corner. A piece of the wall shot out, quickly transforming into a drawer-like compartment.

The man smiled smugly at them, standing aside and motioning for Snape to take his place.

She felt him move beside her.

He walked to it, drawing his wand. He whispered a few words below his breath, just as her's caught in her chest. There was several clicks and a small pop, he lifted the long stretch of wood (wood was better for preserving spells), she leaned forward. Velvet and silk covered boxes rested beneath, hinting at treasures she might one day own.

No woman could resist jewelry.

She watched his fingers reach in, obviously familiar with their surroundings. They pushed aside several boxes, and wrapped themselves around a small faded blue box.

He turned and faced her. He held the box out, she hesitated.

_Oh.._

He sighed and wagged the box in front of her nose. She took it, slowly prying the top off.

It was gorgeous.

White gold with swirls engraved. The stones were amber and diamonds, shimmering madly. She wanted it, oh how she wanted it. She had never owned anything that could compare.

_...OH..._

She looked up at him, smiling happily.

Something in his face flashed and was gone. If it weren't for his softened eyes, she would have been convinced there had been no change at all.

She held it out to him, determined that he would take it from her.

"You don't want it."

He stated plainly, no questioning. She shook her head, blushing. Her eyes fell to the floor.

"I want you to put it on me."

Silence.

His gently took the box from her, hooked his finger around the ring and pulled it out. She looked up, her breath shallow. He pulled her hand gently forward, till it was little more than a foot from his chest.

His eyes darkened.

_Perhaps there will be something between us after all. _

The ring slid onto her finger, a perfect fit.

**vnvnvnvnvnvnvnv**

**Well. I was going to continue into the wedding but since the words stopped flowing, I figured it might help to end the chapter. So next time I come to write, the page is fresh. **

Review, and I thank you!


End file.
